Why it is only a three letter word but something that is always on my mind and I think something that will always haunt me.
Why did this happen
Why did this happen to me
Why did this happen to us
why why why.
LIFE is not fair and I want to know why
I don't think I will ever know WHY.
Sean asked me the other day why I was so sad still, I told him mommy is going to be sad for awhile I really miss your baby sister. Sean then asked why did Kiera leave us, why did she die? I want her back so I can play with her.
So someone please tell me WHY this happened to us please.
Sean wants to know why I won't put another baby in my tummy, I said mommy and daddy are not ready to do that yet and he asks but why.
Why why why............................
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
How do you give back?
How we have given back and ways of honoring our little angel Kiera.
We donated what we could of her, we were able to donate her lower extremities bone cartilage which can help some one walk again through gift of hope through Children's Memorial hospital.
Our friends and family have all donated a lot of money to the American Heart Association in her name and will continue to do so.
And I donated over 300 oz of frozen breast milk to a mothers milk bank to help out other premature babies.
I would much rather her be here, in my arms, seeing her smile and coo.
But since that is not possible I am trying to keep her living through other things.
Does anyone else have any other ideas of how we could give back?
Erin
We donated what we could of her, we were able to donate her lower extremities bone cartilage which can help some one walk again through gift of hope through Children's Memorial hospital.
Our friends and family have all donated a lot of money to the American Heart Association in her name and will continue to do so.
And I donated over 300 oz of frozen breast milk to a mothers milk bank to help out other premature babies.
I would much rather her be here, in my arms, seeing her smile and coo.
But since that is not possible I am trying to keep her living through other things.
Does anyone else have any other ideas of how we could give back?
Erin
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Why did this happen to us?
I am looking for answer that will tell me why this happened to us........
Not that I wish this to happen to anyone ever but why were we the ones it happened too. I prayed every day that I would have a healthy strong baby and that I would make it further along in my pregnancy than I did with Sean. I was praying for no bed rest, I went to the doctor weekly for my shots.
I want to know why only some of my prayers were answered. Why would God want to hurt someone so bad like this. I just want to know why? I guess he needed her for another purpose I just hope some day I will figure out why and what that purpose is.
A lot of people keep saying and telling me that God only gives you what you can handle. Well what if I say I don't want to be able to handle this….. This is something that should happen to no one and no one should be able to handle this type of loss.
I am grateful that God let her stay with us for the 5 weeks we had her and that her big brother was able to meet and interact with her.
But what I wanted was a long life with her. I wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, see her roll over, crawl, walk, hear her talk. Take her to her first day of school, help her get her dressed for a date, a dance, her wedding.
I wanted her to be able to wear my wedding dress the day she got married. But instead of what I wanted I lost her. Instead of her getting married in my wedding dress I cut it and buried her with it.
How is this fair? I know all and any deaths are not fair but life this short should not happen. I just wish I had more time with her……………
Erin
Not that I wish this to happen to anyone ever but why were we the ones it happened too. I prayed every day that I would have a healthy strong baby and that I would make it further along in my pregnancy than I did with Sean. I was praying for no bed rest, I went to the doctor weekly for my shots.
I want to know why only some of my prayers were answered. Why would God want to hurt someone so bad like this. I just want to know why? I guess he needed her for another purpose I just hope some day I will figure out why and what that purpose is.
A lot of people keep saying and telling me that God only gives you what you can handle. Well what if I say I don't want to be able to handle this….. This is something that should happen to no one and no one should be able to handle this type of loss.
I am grateful that God let her stay with us for the 5 weeks we had her and that her big brother was able to meet and interact with her.
But what I wanted was a long life with her. I wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, see her roll over, crawl, walk, hear her talk. Take her to her first day of school, help her get her dressed for a date, a dance, her wedding.
I wanted her to be able to wear my wedding dress the day she got married. But instead of what I wanted I lost her. Instead of her getting married in my wedding dress I cut it and buried her with it.
How is this fair? I know all and any deaths are not fair but life this short should not happen. I just wish I had more time with her……………
Erin
Monday, January 10, 2011
Here comes Goodbye
As I drove to work today this song came on and I began to cry. I know the intentions of the song were for something different but it really hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to share. I know I am forever changed by losing Kiera. Tonight I am going to my first infant loss support group meeting. They haven't met since Kiera passed. I am thankful that my mom is going with me for support and that my mother in law is watching Sean so I can go. I learned from this experience to live in the moment, because you don't know when it could be your last…………..
"Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts
I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And its not like her to drive that slow, nothin's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell
Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride
Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and youre left alone
All alone, but here comes goodbye
Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
Erin
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