Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Why did this happen to us?

I am looking for answer that will tell me why this happened to us........

Not that I wish this to happen to anyone ever but why were we the ones it happened too. I prayed every day that I would have a healthy strong baby and that I would make it further along in my pregnancy than I did with Sean. I was praying for no bed rest, I went to the doctor weekly for my shots.

I want to know why only some of my prayers were answered. Why would God want to hurt someone so bad like this. I just want to know why? I guess he needed her for another purpose I just hope some day I will figure out why and what that purpose is.

A lot of people keep saying and telling me that God only gives you what you can handle. Well what if I say I don't want to be able to handle this….. This is something that should happen to no one and no one should be able to handle this type of loss.

I am grateful that God let her stay with us for the 5 weeks we had her and that her big brother was able to meet and interact with her.

But what I wanted was a long life with her. I wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, see her roll over, crawl, walk, hear her talk. Take her to her first day of school, help her get her dressed for a date, a dance, her wedding.

I wanted her to be able to wear my wedding dress the day she got married. But instead of what I wanted I lost her. Instead of her getting married in my wedding dress I cut it and buried her with it.

How is this fair? I know all and any deaths are not fair but life this short should not happen. I just wish I had more time with her……………


1 comment:

  1. Erin, my heart is aching for you and your family as I read this. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
    "God only gives you what you can handle." Uggh, why do people say that to us when we're going through such pain? I have heard that line several times since Monkey's diagnosis, and it never helps. Oh, how easy it is for others to remain chipper and have a "sunshine and rainbows" outlook on our experiences when they aren't the ones who actually have to deal with it! This bit of advice is going to be unpopular with the sunshine and rainbows set, but here it is: God sometimes gives us more than we can handle at the time. Sometimes, the way God makes things just plain sucks, and we have every right to be angry instead of putting a positive spin on it. Please, take the time to mourn without feeling like you need to rationalize what happened to ^^Kiera^^. Ignore the well - meaning people who are trying to make you feel better, and just feel what you need to feel. Know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.